Beyond the Boggled Mind

Ramblings of my boggled mind

8 years

on March 9, 2017

so 4 days ago marked 8 years that we lost my sister. I wish people understood no matter how long it might get easier for day to day, but when it hits the day she passed and her birthday it’s so much harder. Not only are you seeing you lost someone, but how much time has past. You realize how many more you have lost through that time as well. We lost daddy back in September. So the day was mainly thinking of Destinee, but also Daddy now. Trying to just tell myself it’s better neither are in pain now, and that they are together. Does that make me any less sad, no. Does that make me any less hurt, nope. So when you tell me it will get easier, No… no, it doesn’t. Not really. Not on the days it happens. Not on special days, no matter what I tell myself, no matter what you tell me, you think you are helping, you really aren’t.

This is not something you “get over”, When I lost my grandma’s it hurt, I was sad, but honestly It’s much easier because they where older, I expected it one day. I never expected my Sister to die at 17, I never thought my dad would never be able to walk me down the isle again. I never thought the last day I spent with dad would literally be the last day I’d have time with him. It sucks, I hate it, and nothing anyone says will help me.

I try and be there for others, I know the things I say are the same shit that others say to me, I know it’s all I know what to say, it’s being nice, its trying to help settle their mind. But really, it’s nothing more than making the person saying it feel better, the actual person it is happening to, no, I sigh and roll my eyes, my mind says so much, but my face I smile, and say yes, and thank you. It makes no difference the words that come from your mouth, hug and be there for them. When they want to keep busy because it’s easier for them that day, don’t say they are wrong for doing it. It’s how I cope with things.

I could be doing much worse than keeping myself busy on these days. I could do worse and I have done worse to cope sometimes. We all have and we all do, it’s human. This isn’t what I wanted to type out for this year for Destinee, I wanted to do something to remember her. Maybe a little later I will.



One response to “8 years

  1. lillylethal says:

    I will always be there for you and at least let you have my shoulder to lean on. It doesn’t get easier but know you have people who love you

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