Beyond the Boggled Mind

Ramblings of my boggled mind

Open Letter to my little sister.

on March 5, 2014

Dear Destinee,

I remember so much today, I think about you everyday. Some days I look at the door waiting for you to walk threw it. I remember doing this after school let out everyday for over a year. Now I still do it sometimes, You have never been in this home. At least not literally but you have been here in my head. I talk to you in my head not to myself. It’s weird I know, but really we was always the weird ones.

I wish you could meet who I’m with now, his name is Chris. You would love him, he’s just as weird as we are. He likes a lot of things we do, he acts silly and he’s my best friend. I might not be able to talk to him about anything, but I know he will listen if I just talk. I know you have seen him via the computer when I talked with him years ago. I remember you saying he looks like harry potter, yeah I still mention he does sometimes. He refuses to admit he did, he don’t really look like him anymore. I know you would have really gotten along with him.

I miss you so much. Some days I want to just cuddle up and think about you and things we did and just cry. I don’t want to cry mind you but I know it will come along while thinking about you. Yesterday my mind got away thinking about five years ago yesterday, you asked me if I could come over the next day, I told you no but I’d come over the day after. I wish I had just put things off another day, put off putting the TV stand up, and cleaning the house and just come over and spend another day with you. If I could redo it, I would. It’s probably the only thing I’d want to redo, I know I know but what about this or that. Well if I would change things too much I don’t think I’d be where I am today.

Today I’m truly happy I’m with someone I love and I don’t question if he loves me, or if he is stepping out on me. I know he would never do anything to hurt me. I’m pretty happy with my job, and Texas isn’t such a bad place, just the weather and well a lot of dumb-ass’ live here. Most can’t seem to drive and understand the turn signal isn’t just decoration. The family is pretty much all over the country right now. Dad and coyboy are in Indiana, Justin and I are in Texas(about 5 hours apart), and mom is in between GA and IN. We still have things in CA well not me but the rest of the family.

We found out this past month Aunt Gail has cancer. After so many of our family having/dieing from cancer I just don’t know how to handle it. I just hide how I feel and try and see the best in it, have hope. But it’s really hard. I called her when I found out about her having to see the doctor and it was a strong possibility that she did have breast cancer. I felt weird about calling because I should be calling my family much more than I do. It’s just hard to call when you work and sleep and try and have some small life with the person you are with. esp when he works way more hours in a week than 40. I know this is life but I do try and keep in touch with everyone at least on FB.

I guess I will stop rambling, I know you are looking down on us and keeping an eye on us all. I miss you so much and some days I do want a sign you are around. I’m sure you give me them but I get so busy I just don’t stop and look at them. OH I’m going to try and go in to photography thanks to you long ago you loved when I took photos and we did a photo session together them pics will always be my first photo session, I really want to do this and start my own photography studio one day. People really liked the pictures I did for your senior photos. I really enjoyed that day it was so fun and I’m glad you talked me in to it.

I can’t believe it’s been 5 years…

I love you and Miss you
RIP 6/27/1991-3/5/2009

Always your big sis,
Raychel

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