Beyond the Boggled Mind

Ramblings of my boggled mind

He would move the world for me.

on March 28, 2013

I knew my bf loved me I never questioned it. Sitting here today after todays events I know he would do anything for me. He might take sometime doing things around the house when asked to, yes I know he can be lazy and a little piggy but he is my piggy. I love him so much, I am the luckiest woman in the galaxy and beyond. So my morning started with finding my cellphone ( not in the bedroom like normal) on his desk missed so many texts and a few calls. The call was work I didn’t care much about that it couldn’t have been that important. So I text my mom back because there was about 5 missed ones to find out what was going on. Grandma is in the hospital again, mind you this isn’t new. I know my grandmother ( last living mind you) is in bad health she has been. With falls and her breathing and past heart issues, etc…etc…etc… It’s not a surprise.

The surprise is the Doctor gave her 2 days at the most to live. I hate this but first words out of my mouth is.. “mom I can’t make it there.” mom understands, grandma understands… That doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I just know I will be missing a week of work so payday will make us tight on things, plus flying out because I know Chris won’t be able to go with me, that is something I don’t want either I want him with me he is there for me even years ago when we were just friends. I’ve known this man since 2004 off and on mind you but he has always been there to listen to me bitch or help in any way he could.

I’m guessing right when I said that to mom his mind was going in to ” how can I get her there”. The reason I say that is because basically he was like ” that’s your family” yes he had to go to class, I checked with my boss ( via him basically telling me to). She understood and went with it no problems. My co-workers understood as well. Honestly this is the best job and best people, I’ve always loved working at hotels and this is why we are a small group and always look out for one another.

While I sat crying, he was in class figuring out prices for tickets to get me to KY. Done, Done, Done… it was fast I went to work today Not wanting to right now I’m sad and I don’t want to cry anymore, esp in front of anyone. I’m trying to keep busy and here I am writing a blog about today. I want to remember it forever.

This is my last grandmother, my dad’s grandma died back in 08 I believe, and my dads mom died in 2010, now my mom’s mom is in the hospital basically on her death-bed. Please don’t take this as I have no hope. Right now I’d rather see my grandma pass on so she wont suffer anymore, her breathing has been horrible for a long time, her heart she’s had surgery on before when I was a young girl. I accept death easily with people. Yes I cry, yes I’m sad. But wanting them to stay is stingy on my part.

After watching my sister fight for 2 years and die because of cancer, it took a very long time for me to be ok with it. I’ve watched several people die, family members before and after my sister’s death. Her’s was, is, and always will be the hardest for me.

Tomorrow I fly out and I hope I get to see my grandma before she passes away. hopefully she will be awake when I see her. I want to tell her I love her, I’ve not said that in what seems like forever to her. I know she knows But I want to say it I want to be sure she hears it. If She somehow comes out of this I will be grateful, but most are already looking at her plans for her funeral and things.

So I’m not the only one. I just hope I can make it there before she leaves us.

Chris I’m going to miss you, I already know that because thinking about being apart from you for a week saddens me more and more. I know when I come back I will have your arms to come home to. I will miss our home. I will be home soon, When you said you’d move the earth for me I know you can’t literally but the words means a lot to me. Much more than you could ever think. I hope you know I’d do the same. I’d do anything for you. I love you.

PS: I’m grateful for his biker rents, they let us borrow the money for the tickets. They are the most wonderful people I have ever met.

thankful I’m blessed


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