Beyond the Boggled Mind

Ramblings of my boggled mind

Trying to save my old blogs.

on February 18, 2013

I deleted one of my my spaces, and I plan to delete the other as well. This is the blogs I have from them I’m trying to save them.

Good luck reading them, you thought I was bad with grammar and spelling now… try then.

 

 

Nov 19, 2009
paranoid…

Current mood:cold
I will not bow. I will not break.
I will shut the world away.
I will not fall. I will not fake.
I will take your breath away.
I’ll survive…

paranoid—

I have lost the will to change.
I am not proud, cold blooded–fake…
I will shut the world away…
Watch the end through dying eyes
Now the dark is taking over
Show me where forever dies
Take the fall and run to heaven
All is lost again, but I’m not giving in

8:52 AM

Aug 15, 2009
sister

Current mood:depressed
Sarah found this and i had to post it for everyone to see its not mine nor hers not sure who wrote it or where it came from but i love it thank you Sarah

sister

Sister my dear sister I wish that I could see you everyday,
so you can tell me your not alone and heaven is okay,
I need something to help me carry on,
cause I cant except the fact that your gone,
trying to hide the tears,
because of my pride even though I’m dying inside,
deep in my soul a sorrow haunted by every tomorrow,
cause your not there waiting,
its not fair my heart is fading,
all I should of said will never be,
never got to say what you meant to me,
or to our whole family,
so sister my dear sister I’ll start living a better way,
so you can welcome me home someday.
9:15 PM

old blogs 2005 ( 360 is bye bye so have to move them)

Current mood:sleepy
ok this is the beginning of me trying to save my old blogs from yahoo 360 since it is shutting down I’m keeping only the ones that isnt junk and i don’t remember a lot of what the hell most of these are they are just how i was feeling don’t read so much in to them if you read them ok thanks this is the starting of them from 2005 ill be doing year by year probably enjoy!

Entry for November 26, 2005

what can a person do when someone comes in to there life and changes everything your feelings thoughts even you? i seen something that made me think a lot today, if i would leave the one i care for, for  the one who has changed me for the better i might, would he really notice how much it would rip my heart out? would he care? is he hiding what he really feels for me or is it true he just dont want me? would he care if i told him he has changed me in a way ill never go back to my old self? can he possibly understand how he effects me that i think of him everyday? that he means the world to me and im nothing more then a speck in his? guess we will find out one way or another…

~darkling

Saturday November 26, 2005 – 07:08pm (CST)

————————————————————————————————–

Entry for November 27, 2005
i really need to get out of yahoo its doing nothing good to me but its so hard to get away from my famila and friends who i care for so deeply ive been thinking on this a while just need to think on it more i suppose *le~sigh*

Sunday November 27, 2005 – 04:53pm (CST)
—————————————————————————————————

life?!?
im still wondering around lost, trying to find out why i keep trying for something i will never have. some keep telling me never loose hope and never give up, but to myself i keep saying why…. is this how my life is to be always? i feel like the first winter
snowflake cold alone and numb from all feelings right now. even tho this snowflake knows her end to the long fall just to melt and hurt then wash away like she had never been. right now fate, like the wind is just torment and keeping me up right now. just waiting to hit bottom and melt.

Saturday December 3, 2005 – 02:43pm (CST)

————————————————————————————————–

what do you do when a man is rolling on the ground in pain?…
laugh and shoot him again

I’m thinking about adding my poetry to the blogs, not sure yet a friend told me its a good way to open up but im not too sure about that ive been kinda closed off most of my life (since i was about 12) then i totally closed off the world and be came a cold hearted bitch no no a heartless bitch actually…I know what i am and admit it, perhaps opening up a bit will help… even tho im not going to give up my cruel nature  then everyone would worry lol  anyway i was just board so just thinking and typing what ever comes up lol i have to go to wal mart today ewww its no fun with out someone to goof off with lol anyway blessed be oh and this is one of my fave pics!!!!!!!!!!

Monday December 12, 2005 – 04:20pm (CST)

————————————————————————————————–

thats it fate sucks!

ok how come i have the greatest night last night fate gave me a fucking ace and today fate deals me a joker  try to be sincere with ppl and explain why you do what you do and shit then you just get slapped i had too much fun last night i guess but ive
always believed you cannot have too much fun *sigh* this is my life…. *looks at her snowflake image in her mind* yup thats life right there … oh and finally got my pics back from the hell of wal-mart hehe be well everyone

Wednesday December 14, 2005 – 06:14pm (CST)

—————————————————————————————————

i hate the hospital

well last about 3 days Ive been in and out of the hospital for hours at a time i really hate it there jamie’s father is in there he was just to have a few tests done but they are keeping him and making him stay till he is well there are many a list of problems going on with him, but he is much better now he looks about 10 lbs lighter and his color is more human and not gray/green looking *sigh* i just hate being in there yesterday he finally got out of the ICU room and in his own private room in the ICU well everyone blessed be.

Saturday December 17, 2005 – 10:02am (CST)

————————————————————————————————

just a poem…

no feeling
by: R.M.T

the quick breath of life
the shattering pain of death
hopes are but a whisper
dreams are broken
the future is known
my past is gone
i just want to be home
the soul freezes
the heart wilts
the body grows numb
the eyes grow dim
never to be whole again
loving few
being loved by fewer
wanting one
wanted by none
lusting some
tired of being lusted after
hoping for love
receiving lust

Thursday December 22, 2005 – 04:57pm (CST)

———————————————————————————————-

Happy Holidays!

well everyone Im missing my family and close friends but it will be back  closer to normal soon i hope, today its time for the XxX-Mas party *grins wiggles her butt with mistletoe stringed around her waste one above her ass and one above her hardwood floor ( LMAO)* front for my friends and back for the rest hehe i hope everyone has a wonderful holiday  no matter what it is have fun and enjoy *warm kisses and lots of hugs and luv to everyone*

PS: this picture was sent to me from a friend HAHA! thanks
love you too!

Sunday December 25, 2005 – 04:07pm (CST)

Mar 25, 2009
going crazy

Current mood:sick
ok its been forever since i have actually blogged on myspace i’m normally blogging on 360 but hell i haven’t even messed with that in over a year or so i guess when destinee got sick i just didnt talk or ramble on how i felt or feeling publicly and thats my own choice i know but id rather have the persona as a strong one then let out everything its something destinee and i both had in common we understand its ok to cry but see crying shows weakness and thats something i never want anyone to have over me i guess you just have to understand that i grew up around boys and the family i have its a bad thing to cry i learnt later in life its ok to cry but i still hold it in cause i was always taught crying, emotions was weakness’ ive noticed a lot of people are like this they just dont call it a weakness they just ” dont like to cry” or ” dont like to let ppl see them cry” well for the last two years ive been crying almost everyday at least once a day no matter how happy i seem to be there is the underlying stress and sadness ive felt not just due to the situation destinee was going threw please dont think that but its many things just piled on to it but mostly my mind has always went to the situation at hand i worried about destinee a lot and i still do i wonder if shes alright where she is and how much she misses me if she misses me as i miss her i guess i’m just rambling for the ones who dont really know me just know of me i guess this is more of a suprise to you i tend to ramble on about things on and off normally just what is in my head at the time then leads to other non important things that i still go on about lol it happens here and there with me perhaps i will blog more here but i dont really see that as something i know for sure or not lol i just got finished with “twilight” took 3 days to finish it lol would have been done yesterday but ive been sick so took a bit extra since ive been sleeping so much and things like that but its good none the less just a bit too wordy many many words that didnt need to be there them going on and on about edwards eyes and skin that was slightly annoying, its destinee’s book i figured it should be read at least and yes i want to read the next book also perhaps someone from the family will see this and as a christmas gift if i dont get them myself will get me the whole set just to read i was bored and now id like to see the rest of the storys lol not really wanting to see the movie didnt want to start the books but needed something to keep my mind going i suppose well i think this will be all of it for now just a few small ramblings nothing really important blessed be all and hope you enjoyed the small ramblings of mine…

~always~
Raychel

8:23 AM

Mar 10, 2009
RIP destinee june turner 6/27/1991-3/5/2009

i know its been a very long time, my sister has been fighting her cancer trying her hardest with it but i dont know what more to say right now this will be the shortest blog ever from me but shes passed away i miss her more then anything and id give my life to have her back and free from cancer shes not in pain anymore i know and right now yes i know that its better to see her this way then in pain i just miss her she was my little sister she passed on march 5 the last 3 days i have been helping with her arrangements and her showing 2 days of showing then last day showing and services today shes being shipped to KY to be cremated its what she wanted we did things she wanted her songs she wanted played was :
amazing grace- it was for our great grandmother she passed away i believe last year in april

my girl- for daddy and mommy i believe

the sissy song- for me and the boys i’m sure

free at last- for everyone else so they know she is truely free now and not in pain

*****************************************************

songs from me for destinee:

song from coy ( her big brother my lil)

song from justin ( her lil and my lil brother)
9:00 AM

 

 

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