Beyond the Boggled Mind

Ramblings of my boggled mind

Dear face in the mirror

on September 13, 2012

Dear Face in the Mirror,

We should talk about this life we share.

I have looked at you more than a million times, and I will admit, even harshly examined. Sometimes you smile back at me, sometimes you look as though I caught you unawares. Some days you look like you could do with a nap – or some liposuction. There are days I try to ignore you and then there are days that I scrutinize each and every part of you. Those are also the days I tend to be thankful for my failing eyesight, the image is not as brutal. Sadly, I have been unkind to you over the years and the damage cannot be undone. I realize its way too late for apologies.

Some days you surprise me when I catch you looking back at me. I see you, and without fail I seek out the faults. Eyes sparkling, but some days – a hint of sadness. It is said that your eyes are the window to your soul. As I look into them, what do I see? What stories do they tell?

The face I see, a mouth that smiles, a smile that travels to those eyes, my chubby cheeks, pug nose and scar that always gets the most scrutinizetion. My Mother once told me that I should be proud of the little crinkles earned… they tell of laughter and joy. A life lived with happiness. Not wrinkles to be lamented, but to rejoice in for they show the delight and sheer elation of a life lived. Blessed with a family and friends near and dear.

Some days I see a furrowed brow when times gets hard. Sometimes offering a facade of an immaculate life to the world. And yes, dear reflection, there are days when those eyes well up with ugly tears of frustration, of sadness or reflective of memories of old. When I hold you in my hands and weep silent tears for paths chosen, for days lost, for babies that were not to be. Memories never made and looking into your eyes I know so well, I see pain and sadness and loss. Those days, there is no light to be had when I glance at you in that dark and empty place. A pretense, a masquerade of all being perfect in the world – when really, is there really such perfection to be had?

I trust that as years go by I will see wisdom and kindness, that there will always be a hint of a smile and a glint of whimsy. We will deliberate our passage and we will continue this road together, doing our utmost to approach the inevitable changes with grace. Rather like a star of time immemorial, elegant brow raised, contemplating the future – maybe we will even wear purple.

All good things indeed, but first, I must learn to love you. Flaws and all. And decide which one of us will be the reflection of the other.

With hope,

Beyond the reflection


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