Beyond the Boggled Mind

Ramblings of my boggled mind

red..orange…yellow… must be fall… nope just HELL!

on October 31, 2011

My life is so flipped and I don’t understand how it got so fucked up, I finally get closer to where I want to be “west” that’s all that’s it “west” NV CA AZ anywhere pretty much that don’t have grass and a bunch of trees. I love the desert, I love the dunes, mountains, sand, dirt! the humidity is almost null out here. I don’t hurt as bad really. for the last two days my head has been killing me, Ive got photos not as many as I wanted I didn’t get every ” welcome to” sign but I got a couple at least. right now hubby and mom and I are in the camper, dad and two bros are in the RV for comfort reasons daddy and bro’s did it for me pretty much, and I’m thankful.

hubby and I seem to be fighting more and more but it’s because he can’t just deal with how my mom is mostly shes picking at him like she does everyone. and yes she complains a lot but damn really we all do and I can’t help it I blew up because everyone was bitching to me as if I can do anything about their problems when I have my very own. I mean damn I want a small time alone I cant have it I cant stay online long enough to really do anything because the net here sucks major monkey balls.

on top of that he keeps getting jealous of my friends online hes been on and off like this anyway he says I talk about them all the time HELLO they are the only friends I have even when I had friends who lived close they where never close enough or never had time for me what can a person do? it’s mostly him just being jealous of my guy friends with close friends yes I tell them love them and i might flirt but damn he has always been first in my damn life and he acts as if hes never anything to me he throws up so much crap to me when hes in a crap mood as if that is fair at all cause I dont bring up anything I do my best with what I can do but really damn he has a choice if i treat him so damn horrible like he likes to say he can leave I’m not stopping him if he dont want me why should i try and make him stay? I’m not that type.

I really thought I’d be happier here and in ways I am I guess but in the long run I’m just content like I was before just I don’t have all the scum bags around the ones who want and want and steal from us and drag us and our mood in the dog shit their life is.
I’m sorry if YOUR life is shit but please leave mine out of it. Ive went threw the steaming piles Ive had to all my life. it has made me a bitch but sometimes you have to be a bitch to get what you want and to keep you going for the top apple you want and not just pick up the worm eaten ones on the ground.
I’m having to write this on word pad of all things. waiting for the net to reconnect, the one person I can always well I thought I could always go to seems like they want nothing to do with me it’s been feeling like this for several days, and he said hes sick so I try to be sencitive about it cause I hate when he’s not feeling well or sick and everything but its hard when I’m so stressed and I just wanna little time to talk and some compassion from someone and he’s the only one I want or can talk to. hes my best friend I know my hubby should be but damn I can’t even talk to him about somethings esp if hubby is being a dick and I cant go to mom and talk about it or anyone else around cause they are always too busy for me and now my bestie isnt around so I’m just stuck alone in a hole and I”m waiting for the tieds to come and drown me.
I know this might be confusing for some but hell its just I needed it out me bitching maybe tomorrow it will be better and Ill blog about the ride here and how long it was but such pretty pics I got via cell and camera and a couple on hubbies cell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cheers… here’s to a better tomorrow…
Wasabi

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