Beyond the Boggled Mind

Ramblings of my boggled mind

So, I’m a Bitch…

on December 29, 2010

It’s easiest to call me complicated. If you break it down into why I’m complicated, it just sounds horrific and messy. Most of you would turn the other way and run. but this is why I’m a bitch in other’s eyes…

I am honest, Too honest. Some may say they respect my honesty and admire me for it. But it’s gotten me into more trouble than I want to think about. And to think I’ve been letting this side out more and more in retaliation of being walked all over. It’s truly making me look like more of a bitch but it’s something I have always done I’ve always been told to be nice or say nothing at all and I try to do that but really Most people want the truth and I am happy to give it to them.

Honestly, I ‘judge’ people who fuck around and play other’s feelings, things are to use not people, I “judge” a lot of things but normally it’s the truth and I don’t want them around Me. yeah I know you shouldn’t judge people. I honestly think I’m better than them because I don’t do that kind of shit and there is no reason for it, hey if you have an open relationship that is totally different. I feel like I have more going for me and that I’m more mature. It makes me uptight. I look down upon those people to be honest. Even if they don’t truly deserve it. Even if they are the greatest people normally. I’m still judging them.I admit it.

I’m a hypocrite. I know I am, but normally what I speak out on, if I am a hypocrite, it is not what I am doing but what I have done. And I’m telling them not to out of KNOWING the outcome of it.

I lie but it’s normally white lies, like…

” glad you like your tattoo if your happy with it good, umm it’s cute?!?!”

and I hide My true feelings of…

“OMG are you fucking retarded it looks like a child colored on you with a tattoo needle, you know that shits permanent right?”

white lies don’t hurt esp if it’s something that is too late to do anything about. Ask Me before you get it if you want My honest opinion, cause I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings when they are happy with something.

I get jealous. I’m jealous when any of My lime light that I believe I deserve is took from Me. I get jealous when someone hits on My hubby, but I don’t take it out on him, I don’t get all get away bitch but I do feel jealous.

I can be conceited. But it’s making up for all the times I’ve felt unworthy or just self-conscious. It’s apparent in my shining moment of glory – for the entire moment that it may last, and on the occasion I will blurt out very conceited comments but it’s all good.

I figure if I don’t want to be screwed over I need to be completely honest and open so people know what I want. But if they don’t give it to me I get ugly. If what they say about creating yourself instead finding yourself is true…what is the monster I’ve created? Or do I need to keep going in this direction because the only person you can trust is yourself? Lately it’s been me against the world and I’m not sure if I’m going to change that or if I even want that to change.

I’m just me. This is who I am and I’m adopting an ” if you don’t like it,shove it” attitude it seems. I’m not sure if this is the best option,but for those who stick around…I love you. I think after years of being silent and taking crap I’m finally finding my voice. For the first time I’m going to stand my ground. Now how complicated is that?

Admit it… you love me!

~peace, love & ducttape~

Raychel

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2 responses to “So, I’m a Bitch…

  1. starchildskiss78 says:

    I admit it…. 🙂

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