Beyond the Boggled Mind

Ramblings of my boggled mind

Oh, Holidays…

on December 24, 2010

Oh, the holidays… time of Christmas cheer and… * blows raspberry*

Things that as a kid use to make me happy around the holidays.. Snow, gifts, christmas movies, hot coco and a fire in the fireplace… as an adult snow is just nasty horrid white shit that falls from the sky, gifts I don’t care to get them at all so I don’t even ask for anything anymore and I don’t have the money to really get gifts for anyone. the movies are more annoying than anything now a days, hot coco and a fire sounds like a nice night alone with hubby.

I dont’ know how to feel about the holidays anymore, I know I should be happy enjoy Christmas/Yule and just the holidays period. I love my family for the most part and I love my friends. It’s undoubtedly one of my favorite days of the year, But over the years, I’ve found that Christmas comes with a lot of different situations. Christmastime means drama, and things aren’t always Christmas card front perfect. You know the family around a roaring fire opening gifts laughs and smiles then singing around a piano and enjoying being thankful for not the gifts but the family around them.

When I was younger, my family and I always bundled up and headed to the a relatives house normally grandmother’s or an aunt’s house. It would be a house full of food, aunts, uncles and cousins.  It was one of the few times a year that everyone was home together. That one big time was enough for everyone. As much as I loved the company of the family that surrounded me and although I enjoyed spending time with them,  I also felt something different.

Even at a young age, I remember feeling  it.. more a competition.   A feeling of threat. Aren’t cousins just competition in relatives’ eyes? isn’t there always a favorite, and normally the worst brattiest kid was the favorite.  It was tough, Plus, my aunts would do the same, who gave the best gift whose kids were better in school and how they acted or what they had their house, clothing, cars etc…So why wouldn’t us kids follow suit?

Another Christmas came and gone years go by and I just stop going I give up on this family over and over again. Another Christmas came and there I was again sitting at the family’s  surrounded by family and there it was again under the christmas cheer and gifts was the competition. The next year came and my sister was sick I didn’t have anything in my mind or heart that year but her, I prayed so much for god to let her make it through, that’s all I wished for.

We stayed home that year and a short trip to the families, yet again cheap gifts were given when we spend the amount alloted (20.00) and here my sister sat with a clearance 5.00 item for christmas. yes I know you can’t put a price on “christmas cheer” but really when there is a set price you should spend that amount, and no this is not the first time this had happened, you get things you don’t want, you get re-gifted shitty gifts, and skimpped on a lot. but why worry about it right?

Another year came my sisters last year with us, she was happy rose cheeked enjoying the christmas cheer, I was sad but her happiness made it all worth it to be there sitting in the house seeing the craptasitc gifts that will be re-gifted next year, ignoring all the competition that yet was still there. It was about My sister that year. Another year… the first with out Destinee and the worst one yet, I actually don’t remember it. I was running in auto, nothing said or done was retained.

This year is the second year with out her, and I feel Myself going in to Auto again. It’s hard not to we are missing not just Destinee but several people from the family including my father-in-law. I know this year is going to be hard for Jamie just as the first year without Destinee. And I know it is not going to get easier. Jamie will be working this year like always I hope that helps keep his mind off of things at least.

My family and I have already done the christmas gift exchange and I’m happy with what I received and I’m thankful for how we done it this year. There was only Mom, Dad, Coyboy, Juddy, Matty, Jamie and Myself. No compeition No drama. It was nice, pizza beer games movies and gifts. Shouldn’t this be how christmas is really?

I’ve had my share of diverse holiday seasons. Although I’ll be at home once again this Christmas Day,  And although I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs and all-over-the-places with the Holidays, maybe I wouldn’t have it any other way. And maybe this year will be the best of all. Haha 🙂 We’ll see what happens. The thing is I guess, no matter how fucked up your family is no matter how fucked a holiday you have, I guess enjoy it, leave the competititon at the door, screw the name brands, enjoy what the Holiday’s are truly about… family and friends.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

~peace, love, and mistletoe~



3 responses to “Oh, Holidays…

  1. stuffyivan says:

    I understand how the holidays are. Hopefully you may get something good out of this year. May your holidays be happy and your new year be good. I am glad that this year was at least just you and good family. I hope that Jamie has an ok holidays and I send him my wishes.

  2. starchildskiss78 says:

    I know how you feel. I am thankful I did not have to deal with the competition, but I could remember the excitement growing up. It seems like most of that is gone these days…

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