Beyond the Boggled Mind

Ramblings of my boggled mind

from FB forgot to put it here but "one year"

on November 20, 2010

Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, with which I’ll never part. God has you in His keeping, I have you in my… h…eart.

I think of Destinee everyday there is not a day or hour I dont have her in my mind remembering things from the past even yesterday i woke to her voice. I heard it so destinctly I could have sworn she was by the bed if not in the living room. she said my name 3 times. after my eyes opened i waited for it again even waited for her to bounce in to the bedroom from the living room. for a min i thought i was going crazy for hearing her but its not new for me to think i hear her voice or see her every so often. I called mom right off cause I thought maybe something had happend and she came to me and woke me but seems it was all in my mind, nothing was amiss everyone was fine. maybe if shes telling me something she will come again. my mind started early this morning thinking about what today is its a year one whole year i cant believe i even made it i truely thought i would lose my mind i think i did for a while. i cry still when i hear certin songs or see or do certin things. i dont mess around in stores like i used to with destinee. i dont really have anyone to play with like that anymore.

I remember a lot of things mostly mean and michevious things really like telling beef he broke the couch, or saying me and her was twins when i moved back. hanging out on the trampoline for hours just talking looking at the sky. I remember when we were much younger i guess i never noticed she tryed to follow me a lot more then I payed attention to her. i wish i could go back and keep her at my side every second i could when we were growing up. it took years for me to finally see how much she was like me. how much we looked alike and acted alike and liked the same things. i remember on vacation when we were goofing off and she was trying to balance on rocks with me and we watched the setting sun, skipped along a path in the woods with the boys following, i remember she liked this plastic thing everyone seemed to wear on there neck back then kinda a tatoo looking thing she loved mine and i finally gave her one she wore it forever that summer till it broke, i ment to get her another but just forgot to. I remember laughing with her and i remember her laugh. i still wait to see her come threw the door as if shes just been at school. i remember how her hair felt when i brushed it when we were kids i remember when she shaved it and we sat at the mall and she wanted me to count the freckles on her head, silly i know and i did she has 10 total… i remember a lot i seen much more then most got to see while she was sick i hate it somedays i even curse it and wish for them memories to go away. but i have to keep them i have to think of her im scared one day ill forget. not that she was here or that shes my sister and turned out to be one of my best friends and hell shes my twin just she was 10 years late.

One year ago today
The world came crashing down,
My live fell to pieces,
But no one heard a sound.
My strength disappeared,
fell into the dark
&started drowning in tears

i remember her fave perfume and how her hair smelled then i remember how the chemo smelled i remember when she would tell me about if she ate certin things her skin would smell like it it made me laugh but i understand. i have tryed to collect up storys from friends and anything small to put on the profile i made her ive been told it dont feel like her and i know cause she didnt make it i did in memory of her i look at it too i see things for her but its not her her old profile is her i helped her with it but i still cant put the destinee in to it like she can i miss her i see people call her peter and it makes me smile cause i was first to ever call her that long ago shes my peter im glad she liked that nickname it was never ment to stick but it did at least with close friends.

A year ago you left us,
And in our hearts you’ll stay.
I hear a laugh & turn to look,
To find not you, I have to say.
I miss the mischief in your voice
the tone that’s meant to play.
Before we took for granted
these things that made up you.
To dream of these,
and now it’s silenced too.
Now that you’re gone & I can see,
It’s more time I’d wish for me.
think of all the kindness
and of your caring ways.
You’ll always be remembered,
Until the End of Days

RIP Destinee J. Turner 6/27/1991-3/5/2009


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